Behold…I Stand at the Door and Knock
“Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any one hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.” (Revelations 3:20)
I was living my best life as a junior in high school when my parents told me we were moving to Memphis, Tennessee. My dad had lost his farm implement business 6 years earlier during the 80’s farm crisis. At that time, he mentioned the possibility of moving, but had since found stable employment, so I thought moving was off the table. The small, quaint Kansas town I had grown up in was all I knew since the age of 4. I felt a little blind-sided by this news, but was confident my parents would allow me to me return to Kansas my senior year. They knew my aspirations of being a collegiate swimmer. Surely they wouldn’t ruin this for me?
After the school year ended, I spent the next few weeks saying my good-byes to childhood friends, helping my parents pack and then we headed south. I cried a little, but wasn’t too heartbroken because, you know, I was going back to Kansas in the fall. I also saw this as a summer adventure. I was looking forward to making new friends, experiencing big city life and learning more about southern culture. And who knew? Maybe I’d fall in love and be swept off my feet by a southern gentleman?
Well my hopes and dreams came crashing down in August when my parents told me they were NOT allowing me to return to Kansas for my senior year. At first I cried and asked why. Then I went into a full-blown teenage temper tantrum. I told them I hated them and they were the worst parents ever. I even screamed and cursed at them. God bless my parents. They took it like champs.
Angry and mad at my parents, I isolated in my room for several days. I had a lot of time to reflect upon what my life had meant up to this point. I began to become aware of my thoughts. Thoughts like, “Well, if I don’t swim in college, then what is the purpose of my life?” and “Without my Kansas friends, who am I?” My entire identity was being stripped and I was searching for meaning and purpose. I was beginning to hear Christ knocking at the door of my heart. But there was more He had to do. More to prepare me to hear Him and completely let Him in. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock…”
Eventually I needed a break from my thoughts and decided to venture out into the land of the living. When I did, my parents informed me our realtor Ruth and her son David were coming over. I knew this was an attempt by my parents to help me make friends, but by now I was resigning myself to my new reality. I was lonely. I was broken. I decided to not fight it and accept the help.
David actually turned out to be a wonderful friend. He was quiet. Reflective. Generous. He was also a really good listener. And boy did I need a good listener. I had a lot to sort through and he let me vent it all. Soon after, David wanted to introduce me to a group of girls he thought would be a good friendship fit. He set-up a night for all of us to hang out and he was right. Michelle, Katherine, Erin and Kim welcomed me into their friendship group with open arms.
The most attractive thing about my new friends was not what car they drove or what clothes they wore. It was their love for Jesus. They would talk about how Christ was working in their life. This was new to me, but I wanted what they had. Although I grew up Catholic, with parents who prioritized Mass, sent us to Catholic schools, made sure we received our sacraments, prayed before meals and bedtime, I just did not get the point; until now. I now understood that it was Jesus who had been knocking at my heart’s door and it was Him who I had been longing for my entire life. I was ready now. Ready to fully open the door and let Christ in and love me. I did fall in love in Memphis. It just wasn’t with a southern gentleman. “…if any one hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”
Today, I’m grateful my parents moved my senior year of high school, because Jesus is still knocking on the door of my heart…and yours. He is laboring to love us every moment of the day. He wants in to fill us with his love so our hearts become more like his. No matter how long we’ve been following the Lord, there is always more. St. Teresa of Avila describes our souls as having many mansions. In other words, there are MANY doors in our souls that Christ needs to enter. Are we taking time everyday to listen and acknowledge these “knocks”? Are we open to inviting Him in to all the “rooms” of our hearts still in need of his presence?
One way the Lord may be knocking on the door of your heart is by inviting you to participate in this year’s Oklahoma Catholic Women’s Conference FREE virtual event, Behold… taking place February 27th. To sign-up or for more information, go to the registration page of this website. Hope to see you there! You’ll be in our prayers!
This blog post was written by Meg Beckman, Oklahoma Catholic Women’s Conference Chairwoman.